Dear Abby

Dear Abby.

In the real world, I occupy an office of my own at Massey University, where I undertake research and venture occasionally into fairly well equipped lecture theatres where I endeavour to teach bright (and sometimes not so bright) undergraduate students. Sometimes, this entails going online and, in extremis, resorting to showing YouTube videos.

However, in the parallel universe I am presently occupying things are disconcertingly different. Firstly, I am sharing an office. Jean is a lovely man, it must be said, but cohabitation is an interesting experience, and one I have not experienced since 1992. Further, as students in the Parallel Universe are not required to sign up for courses, I have no idea how many people I will confront when I show up for my first class on Tuesday (which is done out in tastefully appointed wooden benches). I have been told to expect somewhere between 15 and 150 which, frankly, I find somewhat unnerving. But most disconcertingly of all, I was advised today that I would need to use a microphone in the lecture hall. A hand held microphone. Not a tiny, unobtrusive mic that can be tucked away in a shirt pocket, but one of those cumbersome, battery driven HAND HELD ONES. I fear I may break into song (and, worse, dance) with one of those in my hands, rather than utter anything sensible regarding cabinet government.

Am I Arthur or Martha? What should I do? Please advise.